


To Watch You Sleep (Insomnia)

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insomnia</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Watch You Sleep (Insomnia)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

You are my insomnia.

I lay awake for hours just to watch you sleep. I am so afraid that if I close my eyes, when I open them you will be gone.

Life has been unkind, love. You know better than I. Life has been unkind to us both. But it has paid me back in full with every passing second I am allowed to watch you sleep.

I remember that first night, moving into our new home. We we're so excited to be on our own, together. We slept on a mattress in the corner of the empty bedroom. We had no furniture.

Though we didn't really sleep, did we love? We made love soft and slow, all night long. You finally drifted off to sleep as the sun seeped in through the curtainless window, you drifted off with a contented sigh and a nuzzle against my neck. I watched the rose glow of sunrise warm your delicate skin and illuminate your golden hair. I watched you, safe and content, blanketed in the early morning glow, and I could not imagine my life would ever be happier.

And I was right, love. There were bad times ahead. We were young and foolish thinking our love could keep out the darkness, could keep out the mistrust and the pain...

But it does not due to dwell, love. I have spent 12 years doing nothing but, and I am tired of the sadness. I am tired of the pain. I am tired of being afraid that when I wake up in the morning it will be on a cold cell floor.

We sleep in a real bed now. It's funny to realise how life will move on without you. Without me, rather. For my life never moved on without you. We sleep in a real bed now, in your house. In the life that you have made for yourself. I am so proud of everything you have become, love. I am so proud of how strong and kind and loving you are... that your always were.

I think of that first night in our first home, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. I remember how young you looked, how beautiful and full of life. There was no grey in your hair, no wrinkles on your face. I watched you sleep as the morning crept in, thinking that I would have a lifetime of mornings left.

As I watch you sleep now, I realise just how much time has past. We are not boys anymore. We do not have all the time in the world. We never did. Time has exacted its fee on us both. But I watch you sleep still, and I realise that the morning light is peeking through the curtains, creating a sheet of golden dust dancing like angels on the head of a pin.

I gently push a strand of hair out of your face and you twitch your nose with a little whine like a puppy. Though we are not puppies any longer. Your face is lined with years, but you are still just as beautiful.

I snuggle in close, knowing I have to sleep eventually. But as I drift off, I remember that first night again, but I do not want it back. My love for you has only grown. The past is only memory, and the future only speculation. That night I had thought I could never be happier, but I was wrong. I am happier now. And I would gladly suffer all that pain again for another chance to watch you sleep.


End file.
